i just google imaged poop.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
two words: eviction party
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
