so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
