I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
