The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
