Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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