Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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