It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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