ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
