just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
