Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
