it was like eating out sand paper
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
