tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
