Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
