Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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