I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
