Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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