omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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