Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
