Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
