I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
