What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
