I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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