is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
