What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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