I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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