I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
