Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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