i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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