I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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