You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
