I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Randomize
