Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Let's paint friendship bongs
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize