Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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