i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
