I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
