Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
