obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize