Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
