where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He shit in the fireplace
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
