so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
