If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
