she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
