how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
