I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
