I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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