so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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