i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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