No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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