I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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