mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
That accounts for only three of the penises
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
