At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
