At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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