I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
