I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
