pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
