mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
