If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
