I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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