dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
