I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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