remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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