dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize