Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
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