one two three fourrrrnication!
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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