i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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